The Lost Diaries of Journalist Faust VIII
by Neko-Neko Faust VIII
Summary: After the journalist Faust VIII's disappearance along with his wife, the idiot newspaper staff discovers his diaries of the past few days, with
1. Dubbed the Royal Retards

**_The Faust VIII Gazette_**

_**A/N: …Hheh, what happens when our favorite necromancer/doctor/gentleman/guy with kewl pants turns into a news journalist and keeps a diary with some of his articles in them? Ruling the newspaper with an iron fist over his two little assistants, how long can Faust put up with this new job? As long as I want him to, for I am the ALL- MIGHTY abusing authoress powers AUTHORESS OF THE NETHERWORLD!!!!! - Nheh, well, me hopes you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: I DO own the Faust VIII Gazette idea, I do not own anything else, not Shaman King either…I also own a bad case of carpal tunnel, bless this little ficcie…**_

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_**NEWSFLASH!!!- Diaries of Missing News Journalist Found In Bog!! –An Article by Random Journalist Guy**_

_**As of late, the news journalist, Johann Faust VIII, has been missing for over three months, and a search party for him has been sent out numerous times, only to fail and usually stop for a bite of food…The Funbari City Police Department is confounded, and had presumed the matter a double homicide, for, as of late as well, his wife, Eliza Faust VIII, has also gone missing around the same time as he had. **_

_**The couple were last seen at an airport boarding the 611 flight to the Greater Antilles and heading the Bahamas…However, we are not sure of the source's truthfulness, as it was a pirate with scurvy, the wonderful disease, showed up at our doorstep proclaiming he had seen them there. **_

_**A while later after the hubbub had died out, he and his wife were presumed a cold case by detectives, forensic specialists, and police, and left to the jurisdiction of Detective Kyouyama Anna.**_

_**And now, thanks to her brilliance of deciding to search their home, we have found the coveted diary of the last days leading up to his disappearance. **_

_**You are the first to read it, and the police force and nobody at the actual newspaper is going to, because we have been proclaimed Royal Retards by Neko-Neko Faust VIII, the authoress, and we do not know anything, not even how to wipe ourselves. (A/N: Eew…-) **_

_**Both Faust and his wife Eliza's safe recovery may be based on your reading of these chapters, I am the only one at the newspaper who has read it. I read one sentence and I feel proud, I did it for a candy bar, except now I accidentally dropped it in the cat box…and there is so much candy in there that it's hard to tell which is mine…**_

_**Cordially, Random News Journalist Guy**_

_**A/N: - Yes, a bit gross, ne? Well, next chapter we get to look into one of Faust's journalist diaries, a short note left by his two assistants, and a news report he had written that day…- Don't you worry your intestines out about it, this is a humor story I think I shall do Aisubeki Dearest another time, and I am sorry Satine89 and KagenoKatana, but you have to wait… I hoped you liked this chapter, and now 'tis time to review! Come on now, don't be stingy! **_

_**Ja Ne**_

_**Neko-Neko Faust VIII (who is too lazy to start typing Aisubeki Dearest and wanted something easy for a vacation before she attempts it.)**_


	2. The Shacho

**_The Faust VIII Gazette_**

_**A/N: …Hheh, what happens when our favorite necromancer/doctor/gentleman/guy with kewl pants turns into a news journalist and keeps a diary with some of his articles in them? Ruling the newspaper with an iron fist over his two little assistants, how long can Faust put up with this new job? As long as I want him to, for I am the ALL- MIGHTY abusing authoress powers AUTHORESS OF THE NETHERWORLD!!!!! - Nheh, well, me hopes you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: I DO own the plot, I do not own anything else, not Shaman King either…I also own a bad case of carpal tunnel, bless this little ficcie…**_

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_**12/30/04 – Faust VIII's Diary-00-erk…No, I mean JOURNAL…JOURNAL, I say!!!! . **_

_**Morning**_

_**Dear Diary…I SAID JOURNAL!!!!!! . **_

_**I cannot stand the first day as SENIOR editor of a newspaper! My beloved Eliza, as much as I love her, bless her heart, made me APPLY for this job, and I GOT IT!!!**_

_**I am NOT a JOURNALIST! I AM A DOCTOR, GODDAMNIT! …I HAVE A JOB! But nooo…she said I must get a hobby, for she said it was UNHEALTHY to be in the darkness ALL the time trying REVIVE HER!**_

_**She talks to ME about being UNHEALTHY?! ME?! . It just isn't fair! Nein! I won't stand for this! When I leave for "work" this morning, I shall RULE that newspaper with an IRON FIST and make those two new "assistants" of mine RUE the day they met FAUST VIII!! RUE IT, I SAY!!**_

_**Noon**_

_**Dear Diary…I STILL SAY JOURNAL!!!! , **_

_**I MISSED the bus, seeing as I have not owned a car since that little black one I had when Eliza was ALIVE, and she wouldn't let me take that old wheelchair of mine that I used when YOH blew off MY LEGS…she said I would get a ticket, but to tell the truth, I haven't the foggiest idea why…is it because it doesn't have a motor? I could have attached a FLAMETHROWER to the back and scorched all of the MERCEDES affluent people DRIVE in America! In Germany, we MANUFACTURE THE MERCEDES, we use them as TAXICABS, what is the big ordeal?! **_

_**After that, I was knocked into a puddle by some timid little pinkette who looked as if she'd gone into CORONARY arrest when she saw ME…AND THEN, some boy who looked as if he WERE 12 YEARS OLD with green hair-at least I think he was a male..00;-HIT ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH HIS DOWSING PENDULUM!! **_

_**Good god…I hope they aren't my assistants….00;**_

_**Afternoon**_

_**Dear Diary…WHY AM I INCAPABLE OF WRITING THE WORD "JOURNAL!!?!" **_

_**I knew it….this is Hell..I'm Hell, I know it…eternal damnation…fire and brimstone…burning flesh…**_

_**BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A GREAT DEAL BETTER THAN BEING STUCK WITH THIS, "TAMAO", AND "LYSERG!!!!" **_

_**My descriptions of my two WONDERFUL assistants… . **_

_**Tamao- A world-class freak who will not look me in the eye, she has a seizure every time I look at her, and bursts into tears whenever she hears about "Horohoro," her boyfriend who has gone off to fight in Iraq…whining fool…**_

_**Lyserg- A helpless fool who can't even wipe himself! Yes, yes…it was because his parents died when he was little, and I did cry (of course behind the safe walls of a cubicle) when I heard his sad story, and now I am rather motivated to join the X-LAWS!!! . But still…you should be able to wipe yourself by at least two or three….00**_

_**Well, though we despise each-other, and there is a definite age gap between us, we got ONE ARTICLE finished, and it surprised me very much…all I'm doing when I get home is spending a nice, relaxing night with Eliza…**_

_**Here it is:**_

_**NEWSFLASH: OYAMADA MANTA OF SHAMAN KIGN UNDERGOING REHABILITATION!!!**_

_**Two days ago, dwarf boy Oyamada Manta of Shaman King was admitted to Funbari Rehabilitation Center for CPOS- Constant Piss Off Syndrome.**_

"_**It's a travesty to see how many young people todayare pissing more people off than ever, why, when I was a tyke…" trailed off a disappointed Asakura Yohmei after hearing about the incident from intercepted radio transmissions on his hearing aid.**_

_**Mr. Oyamada was admitted to the rehab center after an outrageous rampage pissing people off all day and night for a week without preamble, he was brought to the center by concerned best friend Asakura Yoh.**_

"_**Usually, he only pisses off a couple of people a day, but it just went too far…My poor Manta-kun went on a piss-off binge, seriously. He pissed off everyone in Shaman King within an hour, and then went and pissed off everybody in Naruto, it's horrible…but everything will work out!" said his friend, scratching his head in confusion and finishing off an ice cream cone filled with laxatives—no, we mean…sprinkles…SPRINKLES!!**_

_**(Faust: Tamao, this is being written in ink and you just spilled our secret!! . **_

_**Tamao: I know, but it isn't my fault! Lyserg threw the computer out the window after it caught on fire!**_

_**Lyserg: DIEEE HAOOOO! . **_

_**Faust: How in the world did it catch on fire, Tamao?**_

_**Tamao: You should know! You put it in the microwave!**_

_**Faust: . Well do you watch Futurama? On Futurama they put popcorn in the microwave and then they went through time with a star that had gone supernova! I wanna travel through time like Fry did and be my own grandpa!**_

_**Tamao: But YOH already did that…We're writing an article on it next chapter…Spacecase.**_

_**Faust: And WHO is your boss here?! Do you want me to switch into Mean Foreman Les Mis Mode like in Satine89's Les Shaman Miserables!!?**_

_**Tamao: No, I don't wanna turn out like Juntine/Fantine! sob**_

_**Lyserg: You know, we're professional journalists and we're writing notes on our OWN NEWSPAPER 00**_

_**Tamao: Yes I guess so..but..**_

_**Faust: I'M A DOCTOR!!!! HISS**_

_**Tamao: Faust-Shacho, you're frothing at the mouth…(erm)**_

_**Lyserg: Taco?**_

_**Tamao: SHACHO, you English twit! It's Japanese for "President!"**_

_**Faust: WHAT?! NOW I'M PRESIDENT, JOURNALIST, AND DOCTOR!!!?? NOOOOO!!!!)**_

_**back to article**_

**_Mr. Oyamada even traveled all the way to Germany to piss off Senior Editor Faust VIII's dead wife, dead dog and even Faust himself (Faust: Why am I writing in 3rd person??? I'm not Mari, you know. Tamao: Because this goes out to the public, and they don't know who's writing it, so stop! Lyserg: Ooh, Tamao got feisty. Tamao: shiver So—sorrrrry!!!) _**

_**Ahem..well, anyway, back at the Funbari rehab center, the doctors are puzzled as to what caused this mad piss-off spree.**_

"_**Well, it might be because of stress, but our diagnoses is that Mr. Oyamada doesn't urinate or lay down feces frequently enough. It's stressing him out and making him very constipated and very pissed off. Therefore, to keep his mind off of himself being pissed off, he pisses off others." concludes Dr. Foumatsu with an expert's opinion.**_

_**The center is unsure when they will be able to release the troubled young man, however, considering their past record, Mr. Oyamada's future looks very bright.**_

_**The Funbari Rehab Center is famed for treating Uzumaki Naruto's pork addiction, Kyouyama Anna's T.V addiction, and even successfully quelled my own impulses to brutally murder those who ridicule my beautiful wife and dog.**_

…_**Did you just snicker? Did you, you retarded koropokkuru, ACTUALLY SNICKER AT MY FRAULINE AND DOG?! (Tamao: Lyserg, there's no hope, he's lost it…) You did, didn't you?! I'm going to cordially stick your head on a pike and feed it to Horohoro to eat you sick bastards!! ink runs out on paper**_

…_**..RAAAARR! WELL, then I hope you're happy for pissing me off you sick censored **_

_**(AUTHORESS: Sorry, Faust-Dono, but I must keep this at PG-13….Hehe…)**_

_**Evening **_

_**Dear Diary…I STILL can't write "JOURNAL!!!" , **_

_**Ah, I'm so tired…I'm just glad to be home with Frankensteiny, Eliza, and our new housemate, the Authoress Neko-Neko Faust VIII….**_

_**I suppose it wasn't as bad as I thought…and to show me she wa sorry for forcing me into doing this and poisoning little children's minds, Eliza baked me some very delicious cookies…I love CHOCOLATE!!! **_

_**Well, I still bet that tomorrow Lyserg is going to show up at work as a backwoods hick and that Tamao is going to want to join the Armed Forces… Come on now, I bet you 20 dollars, my dear diary…journ—jour…ah, screw it, I give up. DIARY.**_

_**Now dusk has fallen, and I'm exhausted…so, I'm going to sleep with my darling Eliza now, she's my shining flower princess Goodnight, and I shall see you in the morning…**_

_**A Note From Tamao and Lyserg 00-**_

_**Dear Faust-Senpai,**_

_**We had fun today, and we like you a lot…except you're kind of scary sometimes, but we've had worse, one time our editor was one of those Singing Sea Bass machines…**_

_**Please bring a toaster tommorrow, we aren't telling you exactly why but, well…**_

_**Just bring a toaster **_

_**Your Underlings (and probably banes of your existence who would be your "dearest" friends by now had this been a fluffy story,**_

_**Tamao Tamamura, and Lyserg Diethel 00**_

_**A/N: Twisted, ne? Well, next chapter we are going to read the article of how Yoh/Fry became his own Grandfather like in Futurama, and another Faust Diary/Journ—journ—ah, forget it….also, be prepared for Lyserg the Hick and Tamao wanting to join the army! Can Faust get control over them? No, probably not.**_

_**Ja Ne**_

_**Neko-Neko Faust VIII**_


	3. Lyserg the Backwoods Hick and a Toaster

**_The Faust VIII Gazette_**

_**A/N: …Hheh, what happens when our favorite necromancer/doctor/gentleman/guy with kewl pants turns into a news journalist and keeps a diary with some of his articles in them? Ruling the newspaper with an iron fist over his two little assistants, how long can Faust put up with this new job? As long as I want him to, for I am the ALL- MIGHTY abusing authoress powers AUTHORESS OF THE NETHERWORLD!!!!! - Nheh, well, me hopes you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: I DO own the plot, I do not own anything else, not Shaman King either…I also own a bad case of carpal tunnel, bless this little ficcie… I don't own anything that is trademarked, like Sailor Moon and Madonna's song "I Am A Material Girl."**_

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_**12/31/04**_

_**Dear Diary-I give up! . **_

_**Morning**_

_**Standing at the bus stop, dear lord, I'm bored… Oh, ja, that rhymed! Now I've made my morning!…well, until I arrive at the office. **_

_**I brought the toaster Tamao and Lyserg wanted, and I still don't know why…I have gone through all the possible reasons and contemplations, here is the list -**_

_**1. Stick all of our hands inside the slots and hold a contest of endurance**_

_**2. Open the toaster up and cause brain damage from the mercury inside**_

_**3. Set it on fire**_

_**4. Paint the toaster**_

_**5. Pimp out the toaster**_

_**6. Sing "I Am A Material Girl" with the toaster**_

_**7. Play Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon and dress it up as Chiba Mamoru**_

_**6. Play a spirited game of "Kick the Toaster"**_

_**7. Have the toaster make kittens with a fox 00**_

_**8. Dress in pink elephant suits and do toaster calligraphy**_

_**9. Use burnt toast from the toaster and make a replica of the "Mona Lisa."**_

_**10. Play Futurama**_

_**11. Put it in the bathtub and make the toast soggy and throw it at people**_

_**12. Force the toaster to strip**_

_**13. Teach the toaster the Underwater Basket Weaving Fist**_

_**14. Have Lyserg use it as a banjo**_

_**I have no other ideas other than that, and I think that Lyserg really will be a backwoods hick today…I WOULD BET MYLIFE ON IT!!! And that Tamao will want to join the army for her beloved Horohoro…I love love, don't you? **_

_**It's going to be hilarious when Lyserg dresses up as a hick, how do I know he is going to be one today? Simply because I was a peeping Tom last night, and saw him…yes, I am a stalker. I stalk flies too, come here…come here fly….catches it YESS! **_

_**Dear Diary, -I have been conquered**_

_**Noon**_

_**I WAS RIGHT!! That dummkopf came in late, but still dressed as a hick, with missing teeth and all, except I believe that the missing teeth were little Tamao's fault, as she didn't recognize him and punchedhim out cold. 00**_

_**I think I'm afraid of Tamao now.**_

_**All he did all day was swig whiskey and repeat the same phrase over and over, "When they cut down that old pine tree…" **_

_**He truly is puzzling. 0—0**_

_**So we basically did nothing the rest of the day, Tamao was marching and shooting off her rifle all day, and she shot me in the head, but I have a thick skull so it just bounced off, and she shot someone named Tea/Anzu who was walking down the street speaking about the joys of friendship and frolicking through a field of yellow daisies, and singing, "Strawberry fields forever…"**_

_**I played Nintendo 64 all day in the back room, and I got the joy of Harvest Moon64! It was so fun!**_

_**I didn't want to marry though, because that was betraying Eliza, and I thought she was going to murder me when I returned home, but then I noticed that there was a girl named Elli present on the game and I concluded that she must be Eliza in disguise, and so I married her.**_

_**All of my cows died, and so did my dog, because I left him with Maria, and Maria killed him with a large axe.**_

_**I am afraid of Maria as well.**_

_**Then I got rather scared because I went into Rick's Tool Shop at night (A/N: I am a Rick fangirl! Yay Rick I Looooove my Rickie! My friend is a Cliff fangirl as well!) and I touched his bookshelf, and he slapped my hand, and said, "Don't mess things up! There's an order to the madness." after that exact moment I ran screaming out of the room like a school girl and decided to write an article to make up for the sorry excuses for assistants I have…I AM A DOCTOR! I DOCTOR I SAY!!!!!!**_

_**Afternoon**_

_**I finalls finished that blasted article, despite Lyserg "logging" all of the computers and printers in the offices, and suddenly the though came into my mind that it was rather funny that there are only three people on the newspaper for a city of a large population…00;**_

_**Well, here is the article:**_

_**NEWSFLASH: AFTER TRAVELING THROUGH TIME, ASAKURA YOH BECOMES HIS OWN GRANDFATHER!**_

_**As if pulled straight from something off of Futurama (A/N: Which it is…-) after a two-day stay in 1947 by means of time travel, Shaman King Asakura Yoh has become his own grandfather! **_

_**But wait…how did he get into space?**_

_**Simply by using a microwave to bake popcorn with a METAL RIM and leaving it in for a period of 45 minutes, and then driving through a supernova in a spaceship he had built to go shop for fried cheese on Mars, it caused a lapse in the Space-Time continium, and thus transported him to 1947, the time of his grandfather, Asakura Yohmei.**_

_**Upon realizing his obligation not to change the past, Mr. Asakura tried not to change anything, until he realized if his grandfather died, he would cease to exist, and therefore not be Shaman King, and therefore there would be no main character in Shaman King, and therefore, no Reggae music in anime, and therefore, no Shaman King at all! 00;!**_

_**So he frantically tried to save his grandfather from all harm, placing him in a safe haven far out in the country.**_

"_**I didn't know they were testing out Atomic Warfare weapons of mass destruction there, I just locked him in there with a calender of Marilyn Monroe and Joe Dimaggio and then I realized something weird…" gasped Yoh, looking quizzically at his family tree.**_

_**His grandfather Yohmei was attracted to men! He had been looking at those pictures of Dimaggio for hours and before he could confess his love…**_

_**HE BLEW UP! **_

_**Upon that, Yoh went to comfort his grandmother, Asakura Kino, and found himself irrepressibly attracted to her…knowing she was his grandmother in the future, he held himself back, however….**_

_**Kino savagely seduced him, and the two ended up..well—um, making love nonetheless.**_

_**In the morning Yoh said, "It was like, 'wow!' but then I realized I still existed, and I wondered why…the only reason could have been that I was my own grandpa!" he concluded with a surprised gasp for dramatic effect.**_

_**I was stunned, but quickly came to the conclusion that, if we can get past the disturbing knowledge that our degenerate friend Yoh is his own grandfather, we can accept him for who he is, and that means everyone else as well…**_

_**Except flamers.**_

_**Evening**_

_**What an exhausting day, I think both I and Eliza need a LONG vacation…I shall book it tomorrow…and then we shall speed of to the Greater Antilles, the Bahamas, with Frankensteiny for a nice VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG VACATION!!!**_

_**PS: Diary, you owe me 20$ I told you so, but you didn't think so**_

_**PSS: Do you think I need a psychiatrist? **_

_**Goodnight everyone, goodnight Eliza…**_

_**Goodnight Lyserg, I hope you don't get your finger bitten off by a squirrel named Terry.**_

_**Goodnight Tamao, I hope Horohoro comes back as a CYBORG so you don't have to worry about him ever getting hurt again, and in addition to that, we can play Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex!**_

_**A/N: Two more chapters and then I am finished…I hope you like it, and yes, I know Faust is a trifle OOC, for it is a trifle funnier See you with Chapter Four, and then the end will not be his diary but the epilogue by Random News Journalist Guy **_

_**Ja Ne**_

_**Neko-Neko Faust VIII -**_


	4. Lollipop in a Coconut

**_The Faust VIII Gazette_**

_**A/N: …Hheh, what happens when our favorite necromancer/doctor/gentleman/guy with kewl pants turns into a news journalist and keeps a diary with some of his articles in them? Ruling the newspaper with an iron fist over his two little assistants, how long can Faust put up with this new job? As long as I want him to, for I am the ALL- MIGHTY abusing authoress powers AUTHORESS OF THE NETHERWORLD!!!!! - Nheh, well, me hopes you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: I DO own the plot, I do not own anything else, not Shaman King either…I also own a bad case of carpal tunnel, bless this little ficcie… I don't own anything that is trademarked, like Sailor Moon and Madonna's song "I Am A Material Girl."**_

_**A/N: Thank you so much for reviewing, KagenoKatana, let's be friends! I like you a lot, you're very funny! I read Uchiha Therapy, and it was hilarious, I reviewed!!! …Angst-Muffin?! I love it! Poor Sasuke, hehehehehehehe!!!**_

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_**1/1/05**_

_**Dear Diary—JOURN--…ah, journ—alll!!! I got it!! journ—no! Damnit, I lost it! And I was doing so well! . **_

_**Morning**_

_**Ah! The New Year! Last night Eliza and I watched the sunset, and it was beautiful…nn **_

_**Well, anyway, I was feeling rather cheerful today, having it be the New Year and all, so I went out to Dunkin Donuts (A/N: I LOVE but do not OWN Dunkin Donuts…00) to buy a gross (144 donuts) of donuts for my dear but retarded employees….it's been a hard year, and now people have been calling me "journalist" all the time, even when I walk DOWN THE STREET!! **_

**_I AM STILL A DOCTOR, NOT A JOURNALIST GODDAMNIT TO HELL IN A BREADBASKET AND A POOL OF INK!!!!!!!!!!! INK I SAY!!!!!! &&_**

_**Well, anyway, I purchased them some donuts, and I was carrying about sixteen bags when I saw an idiot of a man dressed in a carrot suit sitting on a trash can and being eaten by rats who wanted donuts for ransom…**_

_**So, being the dashing hero that both Neko-Neko Faust VIII and KagenoKatana worship, I sprang into ACTION! 00; **_

_**I forsaked the donuts in all of their frosted glory, and stuffed them in the rat's mouth, thus setting the carrot man free, a crowd…okay, like two people, the authoress Neko-Neko Faust VIII and KagenoKatana both ran up to me, cheering, "Faust, you saved the day!!!!" in high-pitched squealing fangirl voices.**_

_**With that, I walked to the bus stop, and being rather late, was forced to jump atop of the bus and ride the roof to the office.**_

_**Noon**_

_**I was ready for joyous New Year's day but my employees are so fricking stupid!!!! ##**_

_**When I walked in the door, I saw not the normal Tamao and Lyserg, but Tamao and Lyserg partying with short, obese little HARVEST SPRITE men from Harvest Moon64 and Harvest Moon Save the Homeland!!! **_

_**They were all messy, and consuming bag after bag of squishy yellow BUTTER, along with vast amounts of alchohol that would have KILLED a HUMAN person!!!!**_

_**I nearly vomited, and merely shut the office door, scaled the skyscraper, and prepared to jump. **_

_**Afternoon **_

"_**Goodbye cruel world…" I said joviously, boarding the private jet Eliza and I had purchased to fly to the Bahamas together with Frankensteiny, Neko-Neko Faust VIII, and KagenoKatana…**_

"_**No! I'm staying inside!" pouted Neko-Neko Faust VIII, "I don't WANT to go out in the sun, it BURNS!!!!"**_

_**Eliza nodded, "It does, but only if you don't wear sunscreen!" she added in a singsong voice…**_

_**Suddenly, we all began to hum in unison, and thought up a great song to sing for the ride in the jet, which mind you, nobody was driving at the moment…**_

"_**LOLLIPOP IN A COCONUT, COCONUT, COCONUT…LOLLIPOP IN A COCONUT, COCONUT, COCONUT, MY FAIR LADEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" **_

_**And we sang the same verse to the same song the entire merry way…**_

_**End of Diary Entry **_

_**PS: I AM A DOCTOR!!!! NOT A JOURNALIST!!!!!!**_

_**Here is the LAST ARTICLE I am EVER going to WRITE. EVER. . **_

_**NEWSFLASH!: AMIDAMARU OF SHAMAN KING PRONOUNCED MORBIDLY OBESE BY DOCTOR!!**_

_**Yesterday Shaman King's beloved samurai ghost, Amidamaru was diagnosed as morbidly obese by a doctor, yours truly. **_

_**Amidamaru was also diagnosed as a compulsive over eater, and when I asked him to empty his funeral tablet, a variety of Kitkats, Twix, Snickers, Reese's Pieces, Doritos, and Twizzlers tumbled onto the floor.**_

_**(Eliza: Did you eat the candy, honey?**_

_**Faust: Well, of course I did, Ish spiffeh!**_

_**Neko-Neko Faust VIII: I don't know what KagenoKatana would say in this moment, and so I will not earn a flame from her by saying something I shouldn't. - Sorry Kage-Dono, de gozaru yo!**_

_**Faust: It's okay Hey Kage-Dono!**_

_**Eliza: Hello! ) **_

_**When confronted with this innocent occurrence, Amidmaru burst into convulsive sobbing, crying about his tragic affliction to his psycbiatrist, also yours truly.**_

_**(Eliza: But dearest, don't you hate it when people don't call you a doctor…**_

_**Faust: Yes, but I called myself a psychiatrist and it doesn't matter if I call myself something.**_

_**Eliza: Wait for it…**_

_**Faust: I'M NOT A PSYCHIATRIST I'M A DOCTOR, GODDAMNIT!!! . **_

_**Eliza: giggles Told you so.)**_

"_**IT'S NO FAIR! WHY AM I THE FAT ONE!? IT'S NOT MY FAULT! DAMN YOU TOKAGEROH, DAMN YOU TO HELL IN A BREADBASKET!!!" he screamed through muffled sobs.**_

_**During the next few days, Amidamaru went on eating binges, and I researched for days and days to no avail.**_

_**The answer was found by a slip of the tongue on Amidamaru's part, when he said, "I have to Mike a new baby."**_

_**Hence the reason for the binges was Amidamaru pretending to be pregnant….but why? Simply because his lover, Tokageroh, wanted to raise a baby with him…What does "Mike" have to do with this? Well, "Mike" is Tokageroh's middle name…**_

_**His last name, for blackmailing purposes is "'Hi Bob' said Bob to Bob."**_

…_**I saw you give me a funny look just then…Why is that? You were looking at Eliza and Frankensteiny weren't you? squinty eyes Fine, if you are going to be that way, screw your cat! No one else will want you!**_

_**Oh, you're so cruel! I'm going to rip out your kidneys, name them "Rita," and "Lillian," respectively, and make a terrible spoof of Hercules!! sob sob**_

_**(Eliza: Why "Rita" and "Lillian?" **_

_**Faust: Because there was this hermaphrodite named Rita, and a McDonald's cashier named Lillian and they both rode a rollercoaster with me when I but a child of tender five years and Rita let me vomit in his/her purse! Neko-Neko Faust VIII: Heartwarming, ne?)**_

_**Well, I am off to the bahamas with my counts on fingers FOUR favorite people, I will NEVER join a NEWPAPER EVER AGAIN!! **_

_**Advedersein, Faust VIII -**_

_**A/N: No more chappies! This is ova! And I am overjoyed about it, because now I can return to Aisubeki Dearest, and post a new poem for If I Am A Poet Then I Do Not Know It!!!! Yaaaaayyoooooooooooooo!!!!**_

_**THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REVIEW, ESPECIALLY KAGENOKATANA, SAKUUYA, AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE!!! **_


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